"At no other time (than autumn) does the earth let itself be inhaled in one smell, the ripe earth; in a smell that is in no way inferior to the smell of the sea, bitter where it borders on taste, and more honeysweet where you feel it touching the first sounds. Containing depth within itself, darkness, something of the grave almost." - Rainer Maria Rilke

I know, I know. Another quote about the majesty of Fall. Just remember, I could have used the ubiquitous Anne Shirley quote about October, but I refrained.

The past several Autumns have been pretty eventful for me. Two years ago, we got married, and I was still flying when Hurricane Sandy happened. Last year, I was pregnant and barfing violently and having weird dreams.

Fall for us this year has been full of a rapidly growing baby with dimpled knuckles, rolls of plump flesh for the gobbling, and all sorts of milestones that have happened too fast. It will never be less cliche to say that time moves so quickly with a baby, but it will also never be less true.

I got all of my hair chopped, and when I came home I could tell Bryan's heart was warmed by the prospect of (hopefully) finding less of my hair on our floor, in his clothes, in the baby's mouth and diaper, and et cetera. I could also hear our shower drain singing praises of "GLORY" at the promise of less Fran mop clogging the bathtub. With that out of the way, I had important things to focus on. Namely, dressing up my baby in an animal costume for her first Halloween.

Thanks to the wonders of Amazon Prime, we got a cheaply made ambiguous-looking lion costume made of highly synthetic fibers. The Honest Company would have been ashamed. She looked like a hybrid of Fozzybear, a lion cub, and a capeless ewok. She lasted all of twenty minutes at the Halloween party before she was covered in sweat and ingesting her mane. It was really perfect for those twenty minutes, though.

Seeing another person discovering the world for the first time is so exciting. I never knew how conflicting my feelings would be all the time - part of me saying "you are growing too fast" and feeling greedy for how small she is, but also wanting to just exclaim, "keep going, it's amazing." How I want to freeze time completely, but enjoy the movement forward as each little season has its sweet pleasantries.

In the past couple of weeks there has been a lot of waking in the middle of the night, and I go back and forth between "Dear Lord, please let there be teeth soon," and "NonononononopleasekeepsleepingsoIcantoo." I think all of that until I pick her up and she gives a sleepy hug and then the oxytocin brain makes me forget all of my grumblings.

This past weekend, she just decided that she could sit up on her own and I'm mostly convinced now that she has a stronger core than I do. She enjoys screaming like a pterodactyl (earning the nickname YELLSA), grabbing people's faces (preferably with handfuls of flesh, clamped in her fists), and boobmilk. She is SOLID, curious, and playful. She is a baby.

I don't understand how it comes and goes so quickly each year. Maybe I just think that because it's only the middle of November and there are four inches of snow outside. Maybe it's because by the time the leaves change colors, we notice it for a moment before they all fall and the trees are barren. Maybe it's because Target put up Christmas decorations the second that last Halloween costume was purchased. Whatever it is, I refuse to ignore Thanksgiving. So easily forgotten Thanksgiving, without any songs of its own. There aren't costumes, and there aren't presents - but there's togetherness and gratefulness and tryptophan and that trifecta is worth celebrating.

Also, gelatinous cranberry sauce from the can with ridges for the slicing.


  1. I can't remember how I found you on Instagram but I love your feed and your blog. Our baby girls are just a few days apart so I feel like I'm going thru many of the same things and can so relate! ;) Thanks for sharing life with us.

  2. that winter wonderland that is outside your door has me green with envy. I have to admit that I'm one of those crazy 'can't wait to get the decorations up' people, but while I do look forward to doing that, I make sure to give love to Thanksgiving - because it definitely deserves it! I almost died from over-cuteness when I saw Elsa all dressed up in her Halloween costume! Seeing you enjoying this process of motherhood just makes me so giddy with excitement about our quickly arriving little babe. I continue to hear how time just flies by so I'm going to make a real conscious effort to soak it all in. (ask me again in a month when i'm sleep deprived and covered in poop and milk and I'm sure i'll be signing a different tune!)

  3. I get so excited when you blog. Never stop.

    First of all, I'm obsessed with your hair. I chopped my hair a month and a half ago, and I think it's grown a foot already and I already look like a scragglemonster. Thanks, pregnancy.

    Yellsa's costume is precious and I love it. Is it wrong to say that I hope my girl is at least half as cute as yours? It probably is wrong. Whatever. It's how I feel.

    I hear you on Thanksgiving. I adore it, though I will fully admit that Frank Sinatra is crooning a carol as I type this. Somehow I let Thanksgiving and Christmas music coexist in my world, however wrong it may be. But that doesn't mean I'm not constantly thinking about pumpkin pie. Because I am.

  4. I'm currently in the barfing violently category of fall so hot diggity am I looking forward to a post like this of my own this time next year :)

    That baby of yours. Oh, she's a keeper. Adore her.
    And your haircut!! Such a great choice. Love love love.

  5. lolol at YELLSA. She is so beautiful and I just wuv her. And yes to feeling so conflicted between wanting to pause your baby and just loving watching her grow and learn. Forrest is 4 (I truly don't know how it happened), and he's at this perfect, perfect stage of still being so little and scrumptious and wanting to snuggle while he watches cartoons, but being so big and fun and saying hilarious, adorable things. The idea of sending him to school in the not-too-distant future terrifies me. I just want him to be little, and I'm so scared school will make him grow up so fast.

  6. She is out of control with the yelling and I basically love it (most of the time...people at restaurants don't feel similarly). AHHHHH I LOVE FOUR YEARS OLD. I loved helping on Sundays at church with the 3-5 year olds because they are still so little but can go to the bathroom on their own and say really hilarious things. Oh my gosh, I bet you want to just bottle him up! Whenever you post photos of him I die a little bit from his smile. Let's just pretend school is not a real thing...

  7. I just caught up a bit on your blog and I am so excited for you! Especially with all that you've been through in getting pregnant with your little nugget...Courtney, praise God! That is so exciting and amazing. Of course the barfing part would be great to do without - but at least we know how worth it it all is :) And thank you for the baby + hair affirmation...way to my heart ;) ahhaha

  8. I blog twice a year - just long enough to make you think I quit, but also THAT ELEMENT OF SURPRISE, RIGHT? I love your comments.

    Okay. Thank you for liking my hair. PLEASE, PROMISE ME you will enjoy all of the benefits of pregnancy hair. I know, I know - the barfing is truly horrible but the hair is the silver lining. It grows SO FAST, and there's SO MUCH OF IT. And it's SHINY AND EFFORTLESS. Can you tell I miss it, kind of?

    I am so excited you're having a girl! IT IS SO FUN. I have absolutely nothing to compare it to, so I assume I would say the same about having a boy, but still. I am so honored that you hope your baby looks like Yellsa. The good news is, you will think your baby is scrumptious no matter what. We look at some photos of her newborn phase now and crack up because there were some not cute ones that we were totally blind to at the time, and that is the magic of being a parent. Am I allowed to say that? I just did.

    And no shame - I was totally listening to Christmas music yesterday, too... but I kept thinking "this is wrong" as I enjoyed it, so that is good...