The First Half


We decided to keep the news of our pregnancy to ourselves and wait a while before we shared the exciting news. We waited about ten minutes.

I understand now why some people (some people that are supernaturally gifted in the realm of self-control) wait until the end of the first trimester to announce the pregnancy. I am not that person, though. I am the one that gets so excited when I buy Bryan a great Christmas gift that I ask him if he wants to have it as soon as I get home from buying it.

Really, though -- it wasn't just compulsion that led us to announcing our pregnancy so early. We knew that we wanted people to pray with us. The thought of bearing the burden alone if something happened wasn't something either of us really wanted. So we told the people we loved, and then basically everyone else because why stop there.

Here's what I've learned so far.

+ Throwing up is scary. I have had up until this point in my life, a completely irrational fear of vomiting. The last time I threw up before pregnancy was my junior year of high school, and before that was fourth grade. I think I just have vivid memories of my mom being sick when I was little and it was just the two of us, and when she was sick it was like the entire universe was falling apart. When I am in the presence of vomit I kind of get like Haley Joel Osment in The Sixth Sense when he closes his eyes and yells "stuttering stanley" over and over and kind of rocks back and forth. For a couple of days, I got a migraine and was only allowed to take tylenol, which basically does nothing. I threw up twice in the middle of the night, and woke Bryan up to tell him. I did that whisper yell thing and said, "I THREW UP DON'T YOU THINK I'M BRAVE?" and he kept sleeping because people throw up all the time and it's not a big deal.

Around Thanksgiving, the entire Dorsey family inherited an amazing stomach virus that wreaked havoc on all the land. I was pretty sure Bryan was going to turn inside out. I was so nervous about throwing up that I started to stress google "how to avoid stomach flu" and several websites mentioned drinking apple cider vinegar, because it helps alkalize the acids in your stomach. It sounded like a brilliant idea, what with my being pregnant and nauseous all the time anyway to just go ahead and drink vinegar? About twenty minutes later, I realized that my plan probably wasn't going to work, as I snatched Bryan's bucket and exorcist-vomited like I was getting rid of an evil spirit. Bryan was so delirious and distraught he said "OH NO I GOT YOU SICK -- WHY DOES IT SMELL LIKE VINEGAR?" Lesson learned, just take some vitamin C and pray a lot. Or else you will end up with a horrible rash all over your face and neck, and broken blood vessels in your eyeballs. Whatever, I made it count.

+ Pregnancy cravings are real, and make absolutely no sense whatsoever.
I was nauseated every day, all day. When people ask you how you are feeling, if you say "Oh, I am nauseous all day, every day" they usually say, "Have you thrown up?" and if you say no, pay close attention to their facial expressions. You will see them slowly revoking their sympathy with their eyes. I would like to say that nausea without the relief of vomit is still pretty miserable, so be nice to your nauseous friends. All food sounded repulsive. If someone even mentioned an avocado I might bash my face through a window because it sounded that gross. In the very brief moments when certain foods did sound good, I needed it immediately. I had no idea they would be foods that I was never interested in ever at any other point in my life save for elementary school. The prize winners for weirdest cravings were: chicken patties (of the school cafeteria variety), rainbow sherbet, and Skittles.

+ Sometimes it's hard to hear the heartbeat.

Bryan and our doctor shared the ceremonial moment when they heard the tiny fetal heartbeat. I kept hearing my own. Finally, I just was like, "Oh yeah I totally hear it!" but mostly I said that because I was like WHAT A LAME MOM and felt like Rachel in Friends when she can't actually see her baby in the sonogram. (I did hear it at the next appointment, and immediately started crying).

+ Pregnancy dreams really are that weird.

1.  I went to the hospital at eight weeks, by myself. I was not in labor, I just decided once I got to the hospital that I would like to go ahead and have the baby. Bryan was at work. I texted everyone I knew and said, "It's baby day!" thinking everyone would be really excited, but no one responded. I let my doctor know that I decided to have the baby that day because it was the size of an olive and I figured it wouldn't hurt my lady parts to deliver an olive. The doctor unfortunately did not comply with my plan and told me to please go home and let the baby grow. Dejected and pissed that no one cared that I was going to have a baby, I went home.

2.  I slept through the labor and delivery, and when I woke up, I asked Bryan how everything went and what we had. We had a boy. We called my mother-in-law to tell her, and she was so disappointed it was not a girl that she said we could try again next time. We said, "Don't you want to meet him?" And she said, "Nah, I'm good." This is particularly hilarious because my mother-in-law is a total baby-loving nana regardless of grandchild's gender.

3. My favorite. It was time to have the baby and I was having a c-section. At the last minute before they were going to make the incision, they realized there was something wrong with my heart -- so they decided to just open up my chest instead. When they opened up my chest, my heart was missing. In its place was a perfectly fried chicken tender.

+ There's no way I could have waited until pushing the baby out to find out what we were having. For everyone that waits to be surprised, I admire you and am in complete awe and HOW DO YOU DO IT? (P.S. it's a GIRL).

It's a head! Just kidding, it's a foot, apparently!
+ Some people are really bad at reading sonograms.

Fran: Oh, is that her arm waving at us?
Sonographer: No, that's the umbilical cord.

Fran: That's her leg, right?

Bryan: No, that's her hand.

+ Sometimes it's hard to feel the flutters. I didn't feel her moving until 20/21 weeks. Every time I asked someone what it was supposed to feel like, they said "like butterflies," or, "a tiny flutter." And based on how well I heard the heartbeat the first time I thought, "Wow, sounds like I'm totally not going to feel that slash probably ignore it?" But thanks to our awesome sonographer she told me that I have a rude anterior placenta blocking me from feeling the little lady. I can feel her now, and for everyone that thinks they won't feel it, I promise you will and I promise no one will be able to accurately describe to you how it will feel.

+ I will praise the Lord all the days of my life for Tums. 

Pardon me, I have to go read about breastfeeding now and mourn the boobs of my youth.