To Be a Newlywed


We are just a month shy of celebrating a whole year of marriage. After September 8, we will no longer be newlyweds, but wise old sages full of marital advice for couples of every season of life.


In any event, I've observed a few things from our first year. Some anthropological vignettes of two newly married twenty-somethings, if you will.

+ Any time you are feeling remotely under the weather, people will automatically assume you are pregnant. Refrain from correcting people by saying things like, "Sometimes it's diarrhea, and not a baby." It does not help if you are naturally carebear-shaped. I had a belly before we were married. My belly is not a baby yet. It's just a belly.

+ You are a newlywed for the entire first year. For some reason, I guess I was under the impression that it was just a "for the first few months" thing. It's not. It's all very exciting and lovely to be congratulated for a whole year. Conversely, there will always be people that say things like, "OH, SO YOU GUYS ARE IN THE HONEYMOON PHASE AND STILL LIKE EACH OTHER." They chuckle, and then you're like, "Thanks for the encouragement and hope for our future?"

Some of your friends will be afraid to come to your house, or call you, or text you, because they just figure you are doing it every hour of the day. In spite of the misconception, I can confirm that we still like to make sandwiches, and go out in public, and have thankfully been able to hold on to our jobs in spite of our demanding sex life.

+ Cooking for two is an exercise of trial and error. It might take a while before you realize that making the whole box of pasta and two pounds of meat sauce all at once could be too much food for you guys. Instead of being overwhelmed, rejoice in the fact that you can eat spaghetti for every meal the rest of the week.

+ The sooner you resign to the fact that farts will always be the most hilarious thing to men, the better.

"Dancing on the beach" or, "Grimacing"