To Be a Newlywed

Wednesday, July 31, 2013



We are just a month shy of celebrating a whole year of marriage. After September 8, we will no longer be newlyweds, but wise old sages full of marital advice for couples of every season of life.

Right?

In any event, I've observed a few things from our first year. Some anthropological vignettes of two newly married twenty-somethings, if you will.

+ Any time you are feeling remotely under the weather, people will automatically assume you are pregnant. Refrain from correcting people by saying things like, "Sometimes it's diarrhea, and not a baby." It does not help if you are naturally carebear-shaped. I had a belly before we were married. My belly is not a baby yet. It's just a belly.

+ You are a newlywed for the entire first year. For some reason, I guess I was under the impression that it was just a "for the first few months" thing. It's not. It's all very exciting and lovely to be congratulated for a whole year. Conversely, there will always be people that say things like, "OH, SO YOU GUYS ARE IN THE HONEYMOON PHASE AND STILL LIKE EACH OTHER." They chuckle, and then you're like, "Thanks for the encouragement and hope for our future?"

Some of your friends will be afraid to come to your house, or call you, or text you, because they just figure you are doing it every hour of the day. In spite of the misconception, I can confirm that we still like to make sandwiches, and go out in public, and have thankfully been able to hold on to our jobs in spite of our demanding sex life.

+ Cooking for two is an exercise of trial and error. It might take a while before you realize that making the whole box of pasta and two pounds of meat sauce all at once could be too much food for you guys. Instead of being overwhelmed, rejoice in the fact that you can eat spaghetti for every meal the rest of the week.

+ The sooner you resign to the fact that farts will always be the most hilarious thing to men, the better.

"Dancing on the beach" or, "Grimacing"

20 comments:

  1. I just feel like he loves you so much, and I'm basing that off of the fact that I have never met you and I already do!

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  2. Farts might just be funny to everyone... in moderation and if the timing is good (or bad? ). And I think it wasn't my friends thinking I was pregnant, but ME every month for the first six. So stressful.

    And as for the belly comment, can I just say that when the whole world freaked out that Kate Middleton still had a belly after delivery, I pretty much thought that she looked like me after a satisfying meal. Yep. That's life.

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  3. oh man the first few are so true! Especially the pregnancy question- I still get it and we are 2.5 years in. And I always try to tell newly engaged couples that "marriage is the best" because I assume they, like we did, will get the doubters who are like, "GET READY MARRIAGE IS SUPER HARD AND A LOT OF WORK."

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    1. I love that you tell people that! I have been trying to make a habit of the same. It's important to not go into it with rose-colored glasses, but I love it so much more than I could have imagined because I was so afraid of how hard it would be :)

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  4. One of our guy friends automatically switched to feeling weird hanging out with us by themselves because we got married. I was like dude, we're the same people, in the same relationship. We can still all get drunk and hang out as Ben & Jackie Quigley instead of Ben Quigley & Jackie Swanson. SAME THING.

    Also, babies. These new Texas people had better stop telling me that it's time to have a baby or I'll make one, birth it, and leave it on their doorstep to take care of. THERE, I HAD IT. HAPPY??

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  5. YES! Why do people want you to think you're going to haaate each other at some point?!? I get it, sometimes I want to give him good smack but seriously.. stop DEPRESSING us all, it's way more fun than that :)

    And congratulations!!!

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  6. Happy Almost One Year of Love! Ever thankful that my sweet college friend and the funny boy from high school were so lucky to find each other.
    *Still the prettiest wedding I ever did see.

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  7. You are the cutest. I've heard you are technically a newlywed for the first five years. Soak it up. Cooking for one is enough trial and error that even thinking about cooking for a second person sends me into a tail spin. I want to cook well every single time I cook something and unfortunately, that's not how the world (or my kitchen) works.
    I sincerely hope no one has ever asked you if you are pregnant because it's the worst feeling in the world. Okay, that might be slightly dramatic, but it is absolutely horrible. How does one say, "No, it's not a baby, it's just years of cupcakes and pasta you rude stinker" in a polite way? When do you have a baby, I have every bit of hope that it will be the coolest child ever. It will probably write a baby blog that I will be equally as entranced by.

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  8. Honestly though, SPOT ON. Could not be more perfect. I experienced/am experiencing every single on of these. The farts thing especially. Sigh.

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  9. This is great! Though, I believe the "newlywed" phase is technically the 1st 3yrs... at least that's what I think.
    And, just over 4 years into it and I still get giddy when he walks into a room and really really REALLY like my husband!
    Here's to a gazillion more years!

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  10. that was the fastest year to ever exist. i remember like swooning over your wedding pictures like it was yesterday! and "grimacing" hahaha you had me laughing for awhile there.

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  11. This is open in my safari on my phone so I can keep re-reading it and laughing all over again!

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  12. YES to the first. Sometimes I feel like an empty womb with legs.

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  13. Nay Sayers are everywhere! They come out for pregnancy and post baby too! Gross. Loved this post, hilarious as always :)

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  14. Yes, I frequently got the "you won't like each other once you leave the honeymoon" comments at work. 9 1/2 years in and he's still my best friend and we still like each other. Just so you know it can be done :)

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Don't go chasing waterfalls. Please - stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to.

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