Babes on a Plane

1.03.2012

Let me say something.

When you see a mother with arms full of children and bags, and she's trying to get to her seat on the plane - and it's taking longer than you'd like, help her. Be patient. Offer to hold the baby, or put her luggage in the overhead bin.

When the baby cries, remember that it's a baby - and she's probably just as sufficiently concerned about her sweet one quieting down as you are. And think of the baby, that is probably thinking, 'This is ridiculous, where am I?'

It is sad to me when people are so burdened by children. Love them! Remember you're only on the plane for a few hours of your life. Bring your iPod. Or ear plugs. Please stop rolling your eyes or throwing a tantrum.

Okay. That was it.

But really - children on the plane are sometimes my favorite thing. Because they have no filter, and are often hilarious.

Some of my favorites:

(Asking a couple of unaccompanied minors if they had any questions about the safety demonstration)
Fran: Do you feel comfortable with everything we talked about?
8 year-old-boy: Listen. I've been doing this for four years. I've got this.
Fran: Half your life, huh? Okay, good to know.

4 year old boy (pointing to the seatbelt & no smoking sign): When is that going to turn off?
Fran: Maybe in a few minutes - but the no smoking sign is going to stay on the whole time.
4 year old boy (in a serious tone of confession): MY NANA SMOKES

Fran: Veggie straws! I like those.
Little girl: Gross, I don't! But I have to eat all of them so I can eat my chocolate snowman.

(A commuting flight attendant sits in the back row. I'm standing close enough to hear and enjoy the exchange of a little girl that turns to the flight attendant and starts a friendly conversation)
Girl: What is your name?
Flight Attendant: It's Mary. What's yours?
Girl: Mary is such a beautiful name. My name is Violet. I'm six years old, my favorite color is red, and I love apples.

(and a little later, I overheard the same girl say...)
"That reminds me of Michael Jackson, but he's dead."

7-year-old unaccompanied minor: I just drank a Powerade, so don't be surprised if I turn the plane off in a minute with all of my power.

On more than one occasion, children within the vicinity of my jumpseat will ask, "Are we in the air yet?" and in most instances - right before landing, will scream as loudly as possible and tell their sibling we are about to crash.

Really great for the nervous fliers.

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She's so serious. Is it weird that I want her bangs?
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