This Is Halloween, Everybody Make a Scene

11.17.2011

I am fully aware that Thanksgiving is just several days away, but I'd like to go back to a couple of weeks ago. Don't leave me just yet.

I left my house, to go to work. It was the night before Halloween.


My first flight of the evening was seemingly normal, save for some angry Russians in the exit row that didn't speak English and felt it completely unnecessary to cooperate with instructions. Or, the woman that decided to sit wherever she wanted and thought it was fine for her toddler daughter to not sit in a seat while we try to take off. I should have known then. That it was going to be a long night.

We worked a second flight down to Fort Lauderdale for a fourteen hour layover. We were supposed to fly in a little after midnight.

I was really excited about the new polar bear napkins we've started using. Together, we CAN protect their home. OH MAN, I LOVE ANIMALS. But I digress.

What was supposed to be an hour and a half flight, turned into something much longer and 'luxurious.' As we got closer to Fort Lauderdale, there were bad storms - so we had to circle for a while before we landed. It was close to 1 a.m. at this point. When we had the okay to land, the wheels were down and we were seconds from touching the runway when the plane shot back up into the air. My first aborted landing! While I was unable to see most of the action, the passengers saw everything. And some (as in, MORE THAN ONE) decided to start ralphing all over.

The captain made an announcement that the weather hadn't improved enough for us to land, so we diverted to Miami. 

We landed in Miami and sat. And sat. And sat.

One woman (who spoke limited English), was hysterical and had a panic attack - convinced she had almost just died. Like she jumped out of her seat and ran toward us crying and yelling.

And then, several hours in to our stay at the gate of the Miami airport (keep in mind, this is all happening on the plane), another woman chose to only communicate in loudly offensive expletives toward all the flight attendants onboard.

And then she was escorted from the plane. (Is this real life?)


Y'ALL GONNA MAKE ME LOSE MY MIND
UP IN HERE, UP IN HERE (No, I don't even really like DMX that much. But that song seems so relevant a lot of the time)
At close to five in the morning, after hours spent in galleys that smelled like hot vomit, and serving water like we may never see the outside world again, the weather seemed to be improving. 

And then the runway lighting in Fort Lauderdale was struck by lightning. And the flight was canceled.

At which point, all passengers and crew members experienced total disintegration of personality. 

One man, kind as the day was long (and you know it was a long day), had us serving him scotch for the duration of our stay at the gate. He looked pretty much like Mickey Rooney's identical twin (it wasn't him, I checked).

So by the time the flight was canceled, he was feeling fine and ready to fight. Like actually wanted to flight. But it was in a drunk and belligerent way in which I think he actually was trying to be funny. It wasn't scary or anything. But it also wasn't funny at that point because it was almost FIVE IN THE MORNING. 

GET OFF THE PLANE, MICKEY ROONEY.

Here's the next day's newspaper. It was still hot off the press. Because we were still awake before the world.



It's true. 

It happened.

It was crazy. At the time, it wasn't my favorite thing.

But the great news is, I did get to drink coffee out of this tiny cup: